Market Tipsy

Here's a free market tip for all you would be investors out there. Only pay attention to the last half hour of the market day because everything before that looks like a good old fashion game of Pong.

Sell, Sell, Sell!!!

The press continues to sniff Obama's saintly arse with this article on why the markets tanked yesterday. Because the market decline COULDN'T have something to do with a collectivist getting elected could it? No. It's "recession fears".

World stocks plunge as recession fears bite

Global stock markets tumbled for a second day running on Thursday as investors shrugged off Barack Obama's election as US president to focus on growing recession fears, traders said.

Europe's main markets were up to four percent lower in late morning trade after Asia saw losses of around seven percent. Wall Street shed five percent overnight and on Thursday there were also sharp losses for Nordic and Gulf share prices.

"The honeymoon period for president-elect Obama is already proving extremely short-lived, with the run of grim US economic data (on Wednesday) highlighting the mammoth task ahead in terms of getting the economy back on its feet," said Mitul Kotecha, an analyst at Calyon investment group.

"As attention turns from credit problems to economic concerns, any improvement in risk appetite will be limited, as seen in the sharp pull back" in equity markets, Kotecha added.

Investors in Europe were gearing up for interest-rate decisions from the European Central Bank and Bank of England later on Thursday, with both widely expected to slash key lending rates by half a percentage point.

"The ECB and BoE rate verdicts do have the potential to provide some cheer, especially if the cuts end up at the more aggressive end of the spectrum," said CMC Markets dealer Matt Buckland.

Some economists say the Bank of England may to reduce its key lending rate by as much as one percentage point. The BoE decision is due at 1200 GMT with the ECB call 45 minutes later.

"What is clear beyond what takes place today (Thursday) is that further substantial monetary easing will be required globally," said Derek Halpenny, an analyst at The Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi in London.

"Tomorrow's employment report from the US may well remind markets of the potential scale of the slowdown coming."

Yep. It's not the commie.

Creepy Robot Girl Causes Market Crash

Stock Markets around the world plummeted today as Japan Scientists displayed their life long dream creation - a robotic 5 year old girl. No explanation has been given as to why exactly the Japanese scientist would fashion their supposedly life-like human robot as a young girl.

"It's definitely that robot-girl" said one panicking imaginary investor. "Damn that thing is so creepy I had to sell everything I had at a loss."

This singular imaginary unconfirmed opinion contradicts earlier reports that the market drop was caused by ridiculous outfits from Pierre Cardin.

The World Didn't End!!

The markets went up? But they said on TV...

Market Tuna-Melt Sandwich with Kevin Bacon

One thing about this current "Market Meltdown" (a term I've heard used as the bi-line for at least 5 different news casts on a variety of channels) is that the people reporting it for the most part know absolutely ZERO about the markets. In fact from the reporting I've witnessed thus far being a expert on the markets seemed to be based on how many times you've watched Kevin Bacon in "Quicksilver".

One of the great errors and misunderstandings about the markets is that they can some how be predicted. They go up. They go down. The Bull and the Bear are more than just animal representations of that direction the market is headed. Those who actually work IN THE MARKETS (not people at Banks, thank you) know the Bull and Bear represent that undefinable element or X-factor in the market that can't be predicted. Not with all the charts, computer models, university degrees or tea leafs in the world.

The News approach to reporting the markets is largely based on the Weatherman model. Weatherman of course are able to explain what its like outside or why and how after the fact but more often than not they are wrong on what's going to happen. Perhaps with modern gadgets they can tell us what coming sooner than 20 years ago but I've yet to see them be right often enough to even pay attention. Yet there they are, the self appointed Market Weathermen explaining to you, Joe Average, how all this and that is going to effect the size of next weeks pot-roast.

Do they mention volume?

If XYZ suddenly drops down from 10$ to 8$ and suddenly someone is buying 900,000 shares of it at 8$, don't be surprised when it goes back up to 10$ or even 11$. When you start to see 900,000 shares being dumped don't be surprised when it starts to drop again.

That my friends is what the market is REALLY about, and despite what all the hippies and cry-babies might suggest there is nothing wrong with that.